Post by Matthew on Jan 25, 2005 23:19:22 GMT -5
You may look at your child as if he or she is an angel. This is because you either have father, or mother, eyes. These eyes will constantly tell you that your child is an angel and he or she is capable of nothing more than being harmless. These eyes will also tell you when your child is rump for eating. But what if you were wrong? It is for this reason that you need to test your child against these warning-signs to see if he or she is possessed.
- He has offered to grant you several wishes.
- He or She is three thousand years old.
- He or she pisses blood after you pull his or her finger.
- Mexicans are leading explorers into your lobby.
- Lamb tastes different when your child makes it.
- He works for AU-MNP.
- Noah is the name of the trophy next to best sportsman.
- Bushfires start when you try to leave him/her in the forest.
- Your own father is talking to you... thirty years after he died.
- Your kid pointed out too many technical errors in Se7en.
- He or she was born VIA hole in your wife's stomach.
- He bleeds when you put him in the sun.
- Several voices from the sink have befriended you.
- Paranoia tells you that his mates, Death and Satan, are smoking whacky-tobaccy.
- You can't get rid of David Duchovney.
- Horses heads keep ending up in your child's bed.
- He insists that being a virgin is fashionable.
- As he/she goes through girlfriends/boyfriends, you need to buy a bigger fridge.
- He/she plunged his hand into your chest to pull out your heart.
- He/she plunged his hand onto your chest to rip off a breast.
- He happily gives out crack money for blowjobs.
- Your neighbourhood has a curfew.
- Stephen King apparently got most of his novels wrong.
Now you know. But then again, if he/she doesn't exhibit any of the signs above, isn't it possible that he/she is hiding the fact that he/she is possessed from you? Isn't it? ISN'T IT? In my opinion, certainly. It is therefore that whatever conclusion you reached, your son/daughter needs to be executed. I favour the dagger in the back method, but… mmm.. odd… mmm.
